Mate: Become the Man Women Want

Like any young man trying to navigate adulthood and dating, I have checked out many sources for information on how to deal with improving my dating life. I have read The Game, Robert Greene's Art of Seduction, pickup artist forums and on an on. They all had useful bits of information and valuable advice interspersed with ambiguous anecdotes, vague tips and in some cases, frankly unethical and ineffective information. This book provides ethical, scientifically-proven and effective ACTIONABLE information in a step-by-step and easy to understand way. The book starts off by explaining the female perspective on dating. Already, it is different from many dating books I have read (with the exception of probably Art of Seduction). If the reason for this is not immediately apparent, it is quickly explained and thoroughly examined to give men insight into the often misunderstood reasons behind many of women's actions and thoughts. It then goes on to outline the fundamental, underlying principle of attractiveness and the main 5 ways that male attractiveness is determined. I'm not going to sit here and give an entire outline of the book, but all - and I mean all of this book is based on scientific research, mostly from an evolutionary perspective to make the advice given applicable in every culture, for the vast majority of women and with a depth of understanding that is never seen in this sphere. I mean the references section is CHOCK FULL of scientific journal and books, more than any book I have seen including university textbooks. It's actually kind of ridiculous. Another key reason why this book is so good is that it is written with both empathy for men given the hardships of dating and the confusion dating without understanding can be, and a clear firm voice that forces men to take responsibility for their own attractiveness and dating destiny(pretty often chastising them for dumb behaviour common to young men). They incorporate so many things from different sources that will help with dating, but also have a greater impact on just plain quality of life (Carol Dweck's Growth Mindset, benefits of meditation, explanation of why sleep is important, how to have better mental health etc.) My only complaints were a few too many references to one of the authors and his life for my tastes(though I understand the reason why) and though there is always a scientific basis for the advice, the underlying principle isn't fully explained where it is brought up. I imagine this is to keep the book length reasonable and frankly, the authors do make it clear that becoming the man women want will take some independent work. Do yourself and the people around you a favour and buy this book, both for you and struggling men in your life. Make the world a better place.

Simply put, this book brought me joy, encouragement, motivation, and inspiration. I am grateful that the authors made it available to the world, and especially to all of the young, clueless guys like me. Joy: This book is straightforward, well-researched, and just downright funny. I don't usually think to describe nonfiction books as "page-turners," but this was absolutely a page-turner. I finished this book faster than any other nonfiction book I've ever read. Encouragement: The authors do a great job of respectfully and tactfully acknowledging and validating the fears of their readers--fear of rejection, fear of inadequacy, even fear of intimacy. But they were quick to follow-up with ways to help us identify not only some of the emotional problem(s) responsible for those fears, but also how to adapt our mindsets accordingly to deal with them. I felt like I got a mini emotional therapy session included at no additional charge. Motivation: Why is this book so perfect for men? Because every narrated insight is followed by specific, bulleted action items for translating little immediate steps into big future successes down the line. How can you become more physically attractive? 1, 2, 3, ... How can you demonstrate your intelligence and compassion effectively to women you like? 1, 2, 3, ... How can you plan a first date without absolutely screwing it up? 1, 2, 3, ... It's always easier to be motivated when the task at hand seems manageable. Inspiration: Finally... It is *NOT* filled with gimmicks or shortcuts or cheap tricks. It is filled with common-sense solutions that require genuine effort from the reader. Thus, it is empowering. And I personally found that, in turn, to be inspiring. I've made mistakes in past relationships, but I know what I can and need to do moving forward--and now I know how to pull it off. This book could easily serve as a man's "how to" for life just as well as it serves as a man's "how to" for relationships. And as the author's make abundantly clear, that overlap is by design. And that's why I plan to come back to it many times over, in the days and weeks and months to come. I highly, highly recommend this book.

There are tons of dating books out there, and there are tons with really horrible advice. A year ago I was introduced to one of the manosphere's dating books "The Rational Male", and it was jaw-droppingly bad (see my Goodreads review if you want to know more). So, seeing a book with a title like this and one of it's co-authors Tucker Max being infamous for the book "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell", how could I possibly give a book like this 4 stars? Well, don't judge a book by it's cover, nor it's author's name. Right off the bat, the book clarifies what the book is and what it isn't. It's NOT a dating book giving random quick-fix advice. It's NOT a dating book that randomly speculates what women want. Both authors reject the manosphere and pick-up artist books of today. Instead, the aim for this book was to be science-based. Combine the frat boy communication style of Tucker Max with the evolutionary psychology studies of Geoffrey Miller and you got this book. And if there was any maxim for this book, it could easily be: "𝘚𝘵𝘰𝘱 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯'𝘵 𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘩*𝘵 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘢 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭-𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦!" What I really appreciated about the book is that while the authors offer charisma techniques here and there, it's always surrounded by practical advice and a core emphasis on developing one's character. Unlike books in the manosphere which encourage degrading women to compensate for feelings of inferiority, this book tells men to take responsibility for their inferiority and improve themselves. Unlike books which point to women as being the problem, this book tells men we are the ones creating the problem when we expect women to magically like us while at the same time being lazy, incompetent, unsanitary buffoons! One big takeaway from the book is the author's emphasis on becoming a Tender Defender: a man who can play competitively and fiercely on the sports field while at the same time be the softest and most nurturing husband off the field. It's all goes back to the idea of becoming a balanced, well-rounded man. While I can't say every piece of advice I agreed with or it sounded more like personal opinion than data-driven (e.g. they really push the No Sugar No Grains diet), I learned enough in the book that I'd definitely recommend others check it out too!

Your parents, society, and the media do a terrible job teaching young men how to interact appropriately and effectively with women. If they talk about it at all, it's laced with biased morality issues, pickup artist garbage, or emasculating ideas about being subservient to the whims of women. Needless to say, none of these approaches are right. Yes, this book teaches you how to be better with women, obviously. But what is less obvious, and more important in my opinion, is that it teaches you to be the best person you can be. I don't say that in some fluffy new-age hippie way. It is genuinely about reaching your potential as a man, physically, intellectually, emotionally, romantically, interpersonally, and all the other -ally's. And they provide multiple routes to reach each goal, not just a one-size approach. The genius of this book is how Tucker and Dr. Miller slip the medicine in with the candy. They get you to care about the book because it's ostensibly about being better with women. And yes, it absolutely does help massively in that area. But at the end of the day, you are only going to be happy with your life and yourself if you make the effort to improve yourself in all the areas that matter. And, magically, these are also the areas that woman find most attractive. Example: Yes, eating better will make you more attractive to women, but it will also make your brain function better, stave off depression, make you happier, give you more energy to pursue the things you enjoy, help build the confidence to talk to people you may otherwise avoid, and prove to yourself that you're capable of changing and growing for the better. Interacting better with women is a side-effect of interacting better with yourself. Once you become the man you want to be, you'll be the man woman want to be with. And for anyone that has reservations about this book based on some misguided connotation they have with 'Tucker Max', I urge you to reconsider. Tucker is a highly intelligent and perceptive person. Don't miss out on this book because of a false assumption. You will regret it. And if you still are on the fence, just look into Dr. Geoffrey Miller's background. He provides an incredibly well-informed evolutionary perspective that combined great with Tucker's humor and insights. That alone should prove to you the value of this book. Recommendation: 1) Buy This Book 2) Read This Book (Unfortunately, you can absorb it from your bookshelf) 3) Apply the material 4) Become a better man 5) Repeat the rewards Bonus: Listen to The Mating Grounds Podcast hosted by Tucker, another wealth of info that suppliments this book perfectly. Do yourself a favor, buy this book

With help from Tucker and Nils (authors of this book) I've been getting better with women on Helping Joe (part of the Mating Grounds podcast) for the last 6+ months. Dr. Miller's advice via the Q&As has also been super helpful. I went from moving to a new city (Austin) where I only new a few people and had 0 women in my life, not even anyone on my radar or prospective "she's cute, maybe I should ask her out" girls... to now going on multiple dates a week, easily meeting new women, and dating a few girls casually. The same advice they gave me is also in this book. Personally, my favorite chapters are... Chapter 2 -> How different (and sometimes scary) it is to be a woman (What it's like to be a woman) I re-read this like 2-3x, so enlightening. And the Perspective-Taking Exercise they have the end of this chapter is a great way to better understand women every day. Great stuff. Chapter 3 -> Clarify mating goals and how to figure out where you are in life and what you want The Exercise to figure out what you want at the end of this chapter is super helpful. I took 10 minutes and I came away with a lot better idea of what I wanted (short+medium term relationships). Chapters 15 & 17 -> Mating markets and how to put yourself in a place to do really with women I remember when they first talked about this on the podcast and it blew me away because it was such a simple concept that 99% of all dating advice misses, like doesn't even f*cking mention, but it's so important. Where you live (from country to city to neighborhood) & where you hang out (work and play) matters A LOT. The podcast episodes they did on this were great but the book gives a much better breakdown.

First, ignore the negative reviews. They didn't read the book and one of the authors has a habit of making enemies. I read Tucker's stories from back in the day and have continued to follow him. He is older and a bit wiser and this book has little to no relation ,content-wise, to his previous books. I also listen to the mating grounds podcast which the book is tied to. The advice itself is good. It comes from a healthy attitude toward women and it's about establishing a win win relationship versus trying to get laid by any means necessary. When I say relationship that could also mean short term not just a boyfriend/girlfriend scenario. It also goes in depth on women's perspectives which was probably the best part of the book. The rest of the book is pretty basic advice but gives you a better understanding of why you should be doing it. The reality is you have to become an attractive man and this book give you a good layout to do that. The negative: it's not an easy read. It's just a lot of information to take in and the writing style is really heavy. Tucker tries to make it entertaining but that only helps slightly. I would still recommend the book over any other material though. The authors are trustworthy and aren't trying to hawk a $5000 bootcamp or anything like that. The advice is solid and you should by the book if you're a man who want's to improve his success with women by improving himself.

I've been casually following the Mating Grounds podcast since its inception. While I've never been unsuccessful with women, I've found the podcasts to be an excellent resource for all things dating and relationships and surprisingly I have learned a decent amount of new knowledge. For those who have been a fan of Mr. Max's work and remember his "Guide to the Game" series on the old Rudius Media message board, it's quite interesting to see the evolution of the nature of his advice. While Mr. Max gave very good advice back then, his work with Nils Parker and Dr. Miller as well as his own natural maturation has produced a top notch product. As you'd expect from two authors with multiple books authored between them, Mate is well written in a linear fashion taking you from the basics of attraction to more complex topics like sex and relationships. The book does not impose any sort of moral judgment and is absolutely not a "pick up artist" book. Readers are encouraged early on to clearly decided on their mating goals (short, medium or long term) and to practice honesty and integrity in the pursuit of those goals, though this direction is not done for moralistic purposes but practical ones. Pretty much all of the advice in the book can be applied to any potential mating goal and the attempts to see things from a female perspective are very refreshing. My only complaint with the book so far is that the authors heavily impose their fitness and nutrition bias on the reader. For all of his positive traits, Mr. Max has always fallen outside the mainstream paradigm on nutrition and much of that advice given in Mate is questionable at best. For those who are not current on the matter of nutrition, one would come away thinking that the Paleo diet is the only diet any man should ever consider under any circumstance. The truth is the Paleo diet is is significantly flawed on several levels. The advice on joining Crossfit is even more troubling. While I can understand how the social aspect of Crossfit would be beneficial in dating and I understand Mr. Max himself met his wife through Crossfit, none of that outweighs the significant injury risk posed by that method and the fact that other workout programs produce much better results while being safer. A much better recommendation would have been to point the readers to Starting Strength by Mark Rippetoe or Brian Haycock's HST training. The former is given only a passing mention in a "suggested further reading" section at the back of the book. For nutrition, Lyle McDonald, Alan Aragon, James Krieger and a couple others are better resources. Despite this misstep, this is a well written book chock full of excellent dating advice.

Just to be clear I have plenty of female friends, and I do date a lot, but this book is already helping me discover how to be a more complete man, and from a women's perspective. It's so informative on everything you could imagine, from how to stay in shape, and eat healthy on a budget to sleeping right. It helps a man know what he needs to do to be physically and mentally healthy, and how to talk to women like a human being. The advice about women and relationships is incredible top notch stuff. A lot of it I hadn't really thought about before, but I should've. The research in this book is so extensive and interesting that after reading it in the first 36 hours that it's been available to the public. I find myself going back and reading different chapters again because there's just so much good stuff that's going to help make my life easier, and more enjoyable. Plus there's a website and podcast you can also get more great advice from. Plain and simple It's a guide to help men live a healthy happy life, and give them the chance at the girls they never thought they'd be able to get. I recommend every single guy read this, and even if you aren't single I bet it'll teach you a thing or two. I'd like to thank Tucker, Dr Miller, and Nils for taking on an immense challenge, and totally hitting it out of the park. Good job!

Came in expecting some cringey "alpha male" advice, but this book surprised me. It’s more about self-development than cheesy pickup tactics. Talks a lot about confidence, fitness, social skills, and actually becoming someone women want to be around... not just pretending for attention.

７つの習慣の恋愛版のように感じた。 日本では某メンタリストさんのように「人を操る心理術」として恋愛・人間関係本が流行っていたように思えるが、そんなテクニック主義を「詐欺まがい」として批判しているのはとても好感が持てた。

No dates

This book I will say it's not about getting women but about becoming the man that every woman wants. It's completely self development. No dating stuff works, but only reality makes difference,and that is all this book is about

I can say that I dont have a particularly good impression of Tucker Max. But Geoffrey Miller definitely knows what he is talking about. This book is just amazing, as it is not about some ridiculous scams. Its about improving yourself to be able to build the relationships you want. If its a long term relationship or short term hookups. I wish I had known the stuff before, as I had to face the truth about why my past relationships started crumbling even though everything was great on the surface. You can reflect on your behavior as much as you want - you cant come up with all the things stated in this book and thats why it was so beneficial for me. Best book out there - with scientific evidence.